Let's talk about sex!!!

So this post is going to be a bit different than the previous in that this is a reflection post to a symposium I attended titled, Sex Talk: A Symposium with Benefits.  

This is called a Sex Talk Starter pack . It consists of quizzes, facts, and hypothetical scenarios to help start engaging dialogues about sex going!!!

Unfortunately, I was only able to attend the first two talks of the symposium: “Sex and Religion: What's the Connection?" and "Inter(dis)course: A Q&A on Sex and Politics". Reverend Debra Haffner was the speaker for “Sex and Religion”. I personally found her to be very welcoming and non-confrontational. As a result, I was able to distance myself from my own beliefs for a bit and really listen to what she was saying. I liked that she approached us with the fact that her goal or the purpose for her type of discussions is not to “convert” other but rather to help those people who have lost faith find something to believe in again. Although she did mention biblical references to same-sex relationships, her conversation was ultimately about how our sexuality in general, regardless of sexual orientation and marital status, is something that should be looked upon as a blessing. I think out of her entire talk, what stuck with me the most was her statement that the majority of clergies are not required to take any type of course on human sexuality. She later went onto say that she believes one of the reasons there is abuse towards congregation members by the clergy is problems in holding authority and not knowing how to mange that type of power and not fully understanding their sexuality and desire as well as other peoples sexual and physical boundaries.

I was fortunate enough to be able to have lunch with Rev. Haffner, and we were able to talk more about why it is essential that we need to be able to have an open dialogue about sexuality/sex. We discussed statistics that show a disparity between the percentage of women who say they have been forced to have sex and the percentage of men who say they have forced a woman to have sex. Based on these statistics it seems that something is going on between how women view sex and sexual activities versus how men view these activities. After a few days of thinking about on our talk, I firmly believe that regardless of our religion we owe it to ourselves and to our fellow humans (cheesy I know) to make sure that we are as safe as possible in all aspects of life. Sex is a thing, it is not going to go away just because someone thinks it is immoral in certain situation, and the true is that abstinence doesn’t always work. I always hear from friends or from people’s testimonies on talk shows that if they had known more about sex they probably would not have started having sex at 15 or 16 years old; they would have waited until they were much older. To me, this just reaffirms the possibility that so many people are having sex (especially at a young age) because they really don’t know anything about it; they don’t understand the extent of psychological effects or some physical effects that comes with sex, all they are told is to not do it and are given a list of STIs they could contract. Furthermore, because young people are not being taught to be safe and smart if they do have sex, many people are victims of sexual assault because of issues of consent (I will post about this later). Ultimately, as a person who sees others as my equals and regardless if my religion tells me that certain acts are immoral, I want people to be as safe as possible when it comes to sex. Sex has so many physical and psychological layers, and so many people are hurt needlessly because it is taboo to talk about sex (even with the person who you are having sex with!) and because it is taboo, there are very few dialogues happening about sexual boundaries and how to negotiate correctly through them. 

 

So obviously I have a lot to say on this matter, or at least a lot of thinking going on in my head. I probably have not put my thoughts into words as eloquently as I should have, but the idea of talking about sex without it being taboo or without being judged is a touchy and complex topic that I am still working my way around.   

 

Now on to talk number two! 

 

"Inter(dis)course: A Q&A on Sex and Politics" was a Q&A with Dan Savage (who I think is most known for is sex column “Savage Love” and for establishing the “It Gets Better” project). What I found most interesting about this session was a statement that seems to possibly be related to a concept in social psychology. At one point Dan talked about homophobia and mentioned how there are studies that show a correlation between level of homophobia in men and their arousal to same-sex erotic/pornographic images. Obviously we can’t say all homophobia men are secretly gay, but I feel that a social psychology concept might get close to what is going on with these men. Maybe they are angry at themselves for having such “impure thoughts” (according to some people) or terrified about what people will do to them if they found out about their sexual responses and they decide to hate on those who openly embrace their desires? Maybe it’s jealously? Whatever the reason may be, Dan says that he always used this opportunity to tell people that if they harbor desires for the same-sex then the best way to not get caught is not to be hateful, but to be the biggest supporter of the gay community :) After hearing all this, I guess there must be some truth to Shakespeare’s “The lady [or man] doth protest too much, methinks.”